So this is what it feels like to have your back against the wall…

I promised in my last post that I would keep you all updated on the progress as we transition into a new location for our roasting facility.  So please forgive the tone of what I’m about to say.  After all, it’s 2am and I haven’t slept a wink tonight.

Shortly after I wrote about the travails of finding a new location, I found a space two doors down from where we were looking.  It’s a perfect space, albeit a little small, but after talking matters over with the team we came to the conclusion that it was the best available space.  And that, of course, made it perfect.

The landlord and I agreed to terms on Thursday, November 3rd.  I submitted plans to the county health department on Friday November 4th and was told I would hear back shortly regarding approval so we could begin the construction necessary to bring the facility up to health code.

After that, I’ve done a whole lot of waiting.  And watching, as the date we have to be out of our building is still scheduled for November 20th.  Yep.  This Sunday.

Late yesterday afternoon I finally got the lease paperwork in my hands, which means I should get the keys later this morning.  On November 16th. 

Four days before move-out day might not be so bad if we merely had an office to move, but when we require at least a week of construction (aggressively quick estimate) to morph a warehouse into a food facility, you can imagine the tension.

And construction can’t occur until we receive approval from the health department that the plans we submitted are indeed correct.  I mean, we could roll the dice and start digging through concrete tomorrow, but if the health department deems that the placement of our drain is wrong, then we literally flush thousands of dollars down that very drain.

County health told me they would have my plans reviewed and back to me on Tuesday, November 22nd.  So two days after we move in, we might be able to begin construction.

Remember, now, that my business is built on roasting coffee fresh to order for cafes up and down the state.  Sure, I could roast several weeks’ supply of coffee before we move, but coffee goes bad after a while, so if I sell cafes old coffee, their business (as well as mine) suffers. 

Then, of course, what happens if we roast lots of extra coffee, but run out of supply and can’t fill an order?  Or what happens if we roast too much extra and have to throw away hundred of pounds of old coffee?

And now you might see why a person would be awake at 2am on a Tuesday (wasn’t there a song about that once?)

Being awake tonight might not be that bad, actually.  Over the past three days I’ve had two absolutely terrible dreams.  The circumstances differed, but in both cases I woke up in utter terror.

They say the key to understanding dreams is to examine the emotion of the dream rather than the specific circumstances.

Well, in both dreams the common theme was that I was being hunted.   And I didn’t realize it until things started crashing down on me.  The dreams were so real and so intense that the merciful thing would have been to wake up the second I realized I was a target, but no—I got to experience the fullness of the pursuit, waking up just before the real mess went down.

I don’t think it takes a doctorate in psychology to see what’s going on here.

I’m a legitimate mess of stress right now.

And all of this would be so much easier if the stress were due to my personal lack of planning, because at least I would know whom to blame.  But this is anything but.  I’ve made Plan A, then strategized Plan B, then moved on to Plan C.

I think I’m probably at Plan F or G by now, and those aren’t working either.

If we had a month of buffer (Plan A), this would be a no-brainer, but I truly don’t see a clear path to how this is all going to work out, given the impossible deadlines.

 

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I heard someone observe once that when we look at the biblical stories, a common theme arises:

God seems to stack the deck against himself, for the sole purpose that he can come through in the nick of time and emerge the hero.

I think this shows two interesting qualities about God.  One, that he really cares about us and wants nothing more than to deliver.  The second?  That he is also fiercely interested in our personal growth, and that this growth often comes when we humble ourselves before God and give him the credit for our success.

But what happens when you feel like you’re doing that?  What happens when you seek after God with each iteration of plan and strategy, only to find literal blockades at each turn?

 

I’m pretty certain there will be a God story at the end of this experience.  I may not know the specifics until years from now, but I’m certain I’ll look back and see where he has been present through this whole process.

But right now, I’m a character smack in the middle of this unfolding drama.  And honestly, that’s a difficult place to be.  The fog is thick and pressing in from the front, and my back is firmly pressed against the wall behind me.

I know there’s a path out, but I can’t see it at the moment.

And so I have no recourse but to dig ever deeper into my trust that God is working behind the scenes of this ever-unfolding drama; that as the fear presses in on all sides, I trust that I’ll awake soon enough to a different reality.

One that shines bright through the darkness, scaring the demons away, and illuminating both the path ahead of me and the dangers that were avoided behind me.

Until then, friends…