The question approached me like the subtlety of fall; you don’t really feel it coming, but suddenly it’s upon you.

Do I love God?

Which is a strange question to consider, given my nearly lifelong devotion…

 

Do I love God?

Of course I do—I love being out in nature and seeing His creation in all its splendor.  My soul feels more connected, more at peace when I’m up in the high mountains, or watching the waves crash against a rocky seashore.

Do I love God, or just His creation?

Certainly I love God—I love going on the adventure that is Life; chasing after His plan, only to find unpredictable twists and turns at every step, enjoying the ultimate blessings that flow from living a life surrendered.

Do I love God, or merely love what He can do for me?

No, of course I love God—I love those moments when I can invest in others, encouraging them along in their spiritual journey.  Those moments of depth that just seem to carry a little extra meaning to them, making for a rich day.

Do I love God, or do I just love the ‘feel-good’ that comes with serving Him?

C’mon, OK, how about my family?  I never feel richer than when the five of us are together, gallivanting outside in someplace beautiful, or when we’re sitting at the breakfast table on Sunday morning sharing a laugh about how crazy our puppy is.  Or when any of the three boys plops onto my lap while we’re watching a movie, or when my wife and I enjoy a glass of wine after the kids are down.  I know my family is a straight-up gift from God, and I feel grateful in those precious moments.

Do I love God, or do I just love His blessings?

 

With every turn, a new question presents itself that challenges my core assumptions. 

Do I really love God???

 

I recall once upon a time, hearing of a marriage counselor who was trying to encourage her client (the wife) to fall in love again with her husband (not the therapist’s husband, of course).

The wife was in marriage counseling because she had become fed-up with her deadbeat husband.  He wasn’t good for much other than sitting in his recliner after work, watching a game, and asking for beverage service.  The wife had grown sick of this routine, and felt like she deserved better, and so came to the therapist in search of some techniques that might change her husband.

Wanna know the therapist’s advice?

Voice your appreciation for your husband.  A minimum of one thing daily.  Anything.  Just make sure it’s something about him that you genuinely appreciate.

The poor wife could only think of one thing she appreciated (and a minor stretch, at that):  I appreciate that you’re here.

And so she said that.  Each and every day.

And after time, the relationship began to thaw.  She began to notice other qualities in her husband that were noteworthy.  I appreciate that you go to work every day, even when you hate your job, in order to provide for our family.

Over time, she found herself falling back in love with her husband.  Not for what he did, not for what he could provide, but for him.

The therapist’s advice worked.

 

Now, I am not at all comparing God to a deadbeat husband.  But if it worked in this couple’s marriage, maybe there’s some secret in the therapist’s advice.

So over the past few weeks I’ve been challenging myself to do just that:  Articulate something about God that I appreciate.  Not something that I receive—but something about Him.  His character, His strength, His creativity—qualities about Him that I appreciate.

And you know what?  It’s working.

I find that I’m less focused on the blessings and making my case for why I deserve them, and more focused on God.

 

Just last night, my wife mentioned that I seemed happier lately.  I’ve even been caught bellowing out a deep-from-the-gut laugh here and there.  She was asking where my joy had been coming from…

Jesus says that the greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.”

And while I don’t know for sure, I’m guessing there’s a correlation between me actually trying to live this verse out, and my level of joy.

 

I’m trying to undo a lifetime of “Love what the Lord your God can do for you with all your heart, soul, and mind”.  It’s taking time, and if I’m honest it’s not particularly fun.

But ever so slowly, I feel a release—an unburdening, if you will—and a freedom to actually move closer to really loving God.