Celebrated...

I had the opportunity to celebrate my birthday over the weekend, and I was genuinely humbled by all of the love shown me by family, friends, and even those I don’t know particularly well.

It was such a contrast to a birthday I had a few years ago…

It wasn’t even ten years ago, but I was well on my descent into a feeling of personal insignificance, and this particular birthday was no exception.

This isn’t a sob story; that birthday wasn’t a terrible one, but merely a picture.  I don’t remember many of the specifics other than having a rich time with a small group of really close friends.  They weren’t the longest-tenured friends I have ever had, but they are a fun group of great guys, and in the midst of personal turmoil, these guys came to my house for a barbeque, and celebrated me.

Not me for what I could offer them, not me for what value I could give them, but just… me.

I’ll never forget the contrasting emotions I felt as, for that span of a few hours, the ways in which I was celebrated were in such stark contrast to the ways I had felt at work, at church, and in other key relationships in my life.  (Gratefully, I include my wife and my children among the group that continually celebrated me regardless of whether it was my birthday or not.)

I compare that particular birthday with this one, where I felt so overwhelmed by the amount of love shown to me, and it’s hard to put into words.

All I can say is, on one birthday I felt loved by a few and despised by many.  But on this birthday I felt loved by many and liked by even more.

I’m not sure why that is, but I do know that there were two things I held fiercely on to:  my faith and my family, often times in oscillating orders.

I am so grateful for my children who celebrated the moment Dad walked in the door, where the troubles of the day fade almost immediately into the background.  I am so grateful for a wife who listened so intently as I was struggling with genuine feelings of not being accepted as myself by some key people, and patiently mined my emotional depths in order to help bring light and clarity on my situation.

I am grateful for a God who never let go of me, even when my faith was shaken to its core, and I considered walking away.  It was in that last moment of desperation, when I had made up my mind that God and I were OK, but that his church and I needed a season of separation, that God stepped in and through the voice of another man, brought me back into the fold of His love.

I look back on that birthday, and fittingly, the small group of friends present at that barbeque are the first ones I celebrated this birthday with.  A group who never ceased to love me, who let me be who I am (crazy though that may be), and celebrated me for being me.

Annual milestones tend to make one reflective, and this one in particular has simply filled me with profound gratitude…