How to Deal With Rejection

We’ve all been there...  Rejected.

I’m not talking about when someone rejects your outfit, or rejects your sales pitch, or even your resume. 

I’m talking about when they reject you.

The hard part about deep, personal rejection is that it can’t happen early on in a relationship.  Because early on, that person doesn’t really know you—the true you, the one on the inside, the one you keep hidden for fear of, well... rejection.

How do we handle it when the dagger of rejection that aims straight at the core of who we are?

Years ago, I faced a constant feeling of rejection by a close friend.  A rejection that essentially said, who you are, and what you have to offer, aren’t welcome here.

I’ve spent the subsequent years rediscovering who I am, and what I have to offer to the world, and while I certainly don't have it all figured out, here’s what I’m learning:

We’re all messed up on the inside.

My friend is messed up, I’m messed up, you’re messed up.  The sooner we can learn to deal with that reality, the happier people we’ll all be.  Because once we realize that we’re all a little screwy, the more likely we are to give (and receive) grace. 

And God knows we all need a little (or a lot of) grace.

You and I reject from our personal insecurities.

Yep.  As much as I hate "rejectors", I do it too.  I try not to, but invariably I’ll dismiss someone, or their ideas, or their opinions.  Why?  Because deep down inside I’ll feel like my ideas are better, or my way of life is better, or my ideals are better.  And so I dismiss, without ever weighing the fact that the person I’m rejecting is just as much a human made in God’s image as I am.

Of course, when I feel my stuff is better than someone else’s, that’s rooted in pride.  And pride, believe it or not, is the source of our insecurities.

Why else would we feel threatened by someone else?  Because our pride says that we have to be number one, and if someone threatens to unseat that, we panic.  Because we don’t have the personal reassurance that we’re still ok, even if someone is better at something than we are.

Sometimes we reject others because we’re chasing after the wrong things.

A few weeks ago we explored the myth of popularity.  And if we’re chasing that myth, we may feel inclined to push others away who might steal some of the affection that we would rather be pointed toward us.  Or we might not want to be seen or associated with someone who isn’t chasing after popularity, for fear that we might be rejected by the popular crowd.

The circular nature of it all can be dizzying, can’t it?

When people reject you, they’re not really rejecting you.

We’re all messed up, wounded people.  And because of that, we tend to reject people who expose those wounds, those messy areas.

So when you find yourself facing rejection, take heart.  It’s not really you they’re rejecting.  It’s what you expose in them that they’re rejecting.

You’re exposing the fact that they’re messed up, insecure, and chasing after the wrong things.  But the truth is, we all are.

So let’s vow to break that cycle, and instead treat each other with grace and love, because we’re all in this boat of humanity together, and the world has enough casualties around it without our help…